This post is about sin.
I'm not gonna preach. I'm not gonna try to guilt trip you. I'm gonna speak some truth.
When people are arrested for child pornography, or for child molestation, or for essentially anything that has to do with harming children, people get super upset, and rightfully so. We SHOULD be outraged that these sort of things that occur. And we SHOULD hate that they did it. We SHOULD NOT let them get away with this.
But we should also try to prevent the abuse from happening again. But first we have to make this crazy hard statement that might make a lot of people mad:
Child abusers are not monsters.
Please hear me out before voicing your opinion or rolling your eyes or hating me. (I would love to hear your opinion--but only if you're willing to listen to mine first!)
Child abusers are not monsters.
We paint these people as if they are the scum of the Earth. We say that they are the worst kinds of humans, that they should rot in hell. We act like they are less than human. They are bad. They are scum. They are evil.
But they're just like us.
{I hope I'm making you uncomfortable}
They were once little babies. They learned how to walk and talk and do everything you do. They maybe played tee ball and they probably liked chocolate bars and they had favorite teachers and laughed at funny jokes and maybe even made the honor roll in high school. They could have gone to college, they maybe had a huge impact on their community. They may have had a really normal life. Maybe a girlfriend or a boyfriend or even a husband or wife and kids. They were teachers or leaders or priests or business people or anything. They were 100% human.
They were just like us.
But guess what that means? It means that we can be in the exact same position. That's right. We are fully capable of becoming child abusers. We are one bad decision away from being in their shoes. Seriously.
Think about this. Did the child pornographer just wake up from his normal life one morning, look at his* wife and kids and dog, his great job, and decide, "Hmm.... I think I want to abuse a child today. That seems like the right thing to do!" Absolutely not.
It started when he was young. Something happened. Maybe someone showed him a soft-core porn website in the locker room in middle school. Maybe someone abused him. Maybe he lusted after the girls in his classes. But it progressed.
C.S. Lewis said it best in his book entitled The Screwtape Letters: "
Indeed the safest road to Hell is the gradual one--the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts"
The abuser didn't jump off a cliff from a normal life into a pit of child abusing, terrible wretched sin. He took a step closer to that pit every day.
So maybe he started by pulling up a porn website out of curiosity. And honestly he maybe even felt bad after like 2 seconds and exited out--he could have easily been a good guy. But then he looked a little longer, and then a little longer. And then maybe that soft stuff wasn't good enough. And now instead of looking only when he felt depressed or lonely, he looks every night. Then he moves on to some more intense stuff. And honestly he might even try to stop. He might make it his New Year's resolution for years. He might hate it, and he might hate himself for doing it, but he keeps on. He looks for more more more to satisfy, but it doesn't. So he keeps looking and he's progressed to things especially wrong--violent porn, child porn, the like. And he hates it. But he's too far in now, he can't tell anyone, he can't get help, his friends would think he is a monster. But it's happening. And he needs more. He keeps walking this path, and he makes baby steps every day and he commits an act that my heart breaks too much to even imagine. He might get away with it, he might do it an infinite amount of times. But he also might get arrested and sent to prison for the rest of his life. No matter what, he has to live with the choices that he made and the people that he hurt.
His everyday decisions put him into a path of destruction. It ruined his life. It shattered others' lives.
But we are just like him.
Every day, we have the choice to walk down a path of destruction or to walk up on a path of righteousness. We take baby steps in one direction or another every day.
Here is my plea: Stop watching pornography.
WAIT! Don't stop reading.
Stop watching pornography.
Pornography has ruined lives. It had ruined marriages and relationships and has twisted the minds of its victims. It's effects can be seen in broken families, in serial killing {seriously, sooooo many serial killers have admitted that their lifestyle started with porn and grew}, and in the sex trafficking industry, to name a few. Honestly, I'm a busy college student who doesn't have time to wow you with a list of scientific sources and citations and statistical evidence. I can get you sources if you need them, but I've spent way too much time studying human trafficking to not know the effects of porn. I don't need academic support to back the fact that porn hurts people.
Porn hurts. It is a small baby step down the slope of destruction. And it can get out of control quickly.
My argument is not that if you watch porn, you will become a crazy child molesting, puppy slaughtering, serial killer. My argument is that porn can be and often is one of the first steps down the small slope that leads to absolute destruction, to hurting yourself and others.
So how should we respond?
First, if you are addicted to pornography, please seek help. There are online resources, there are recovery programs in some churches, there are people to help. Find these resources and please use them. I am asking you to help yourself. Do not let yourself take one more step in that destructive direction. You are not alone.
Second, if you have not viewed porn but are ever tempted to, think about what direction watching porn would move you. This can be applied to any temptation. Would it move you closer to God, or farther? Step closer. Step away from hurting others.
Third, speak out against pornography. Help people who are struggling. Be a nonjudgmental listener and provide facts to steer your friends away from it. There are so many reasons why I believe pornography is harmful {feel free to comment or message me if you want to hear what I think!}
Fourth, understand that the people who commit terrible crimes are humans too. They aren't monsters. They are human beings who have made mistakes with their footsteps. And you can end up just like them with the decisions that you make. Don't call them monsters. Doing so puts the idea in our heads that we can recognize monsters, that we can see them, and that we aren't them. Don't lie to yourself like that--we can become monsters.
Furthermore, don't rejoice in the suffering of criminals. They are God's children too. He gave them free will, and they abused it, and they will face the judgment of God, but it is not our place to decide what they deserve. Pray for redemption, that they change the direction of their steps, that they never again hurt another person with their actions. And take action. Don't let your friends and families walk down this path. Be present and watching, graciously and respectfully guiding them in the right direction.
I don't want to sound self-righteous. I don't want to sound like I think I know everything. But I want you to hear that pornography destroys, that pornography can have lasting consequences on the trajectory of your life, and that you can take action to prevent further abuses that stem from an addiction to pornography.
If you're struggling, I ask that you would find whatever it takes to seek help. If you're not, I ask that you would commit to examining your everyday decisions, keeping careful watch over the direction of your footsteps. Do not allow yourself or those around you to walk in the wrong direction.
Thank you for hearing me out. I hope I didn't hurt someone with my words. If I did, let's talk about it. Feel free to voice your opinion respectfully. Feel free to ask questions. Feel free to give criticism. I don't know everything, but I do know some things.
Respectfully yours,
Karla
*I use a male pronoun throughout this hypothetical story not because I think that men are the only users of porn. I understand that a growing number of women are also consuming pornography. Women are just as capable as becoming abusers. I used a male pronoun because in my experience, men tend to be the ones who struggle with pornography. Regardless of your gender, do not think that you are immune to the potentially destructive effects of pornography. You are. Sorry.
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